There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
Truth be told I am not sure there is much that I am truly afraid of. When it comes down to it though there are times when I am truly afraid; moments when I act or speak and moments later am horrified by my reaction.
Take the other day when my son dumped a brand new container of apple juice in the dining room. I firmly believe that a mop cannot really clean a floor; for a good shiny floor we have to have some elbow grease – a scrub brush and some time on our knees (great time for prayer too by the way!). I only get the chance to do this maybe once a month though since my three little ones keep me busy (and do I love my time with them), Back to my newly scrubbed and shiny floor. My oldest is so very independant; he tells everyone he is “big now” and there is nothing he cannot do (Just ask him- haha) I am sure you can imagine how his ended. Oh how I yelled; how long I lectured; how foolish could he be to think he could lift this huge container, full to the rim, and manage to pour himself a cup without getting it all over the floor…sigh Yep – I lost it.
He knows I love him. I thank God that I have children who forgive their mother who is so very imperfect in so many ways. Yet still he tell me that I am “the best mother I ever had..”
That’s my boy ~ He manages to keep the floors sticky he is loud and impulsive; he never sits still and he is always quite loud. He is busy and wise, impetuous and quick. He is honest and loving and sweet; sensitive and gentle. He is created in God’s image.
There is a sadness I feel when I know that I have acted harshly towards him. I know that I am a perfectionist; I believe in working hard and doing it right. I strive to see every moment and every action in every day as a moment to thank God, to glorify God. After all all good things come from above. Our kids are good. Joyful noise is good. A sticky floor is good (better is a sticky floor with a little boy striving to sop it all up for his momma with a dishtowel).
We have so little time with them. I know some people say that it doesn’t go fast enough but I fear sometimes it goes too fast. I wish I could slow it down. I want to see others as He sees them; I want to be able to love them as He does. To help ease their burdens; bring them comfort in their time of need. I fear sometimes I get too passionate, too loud and too preachy and yet…..I am not ashamed of Him. My God who is so full of love and mercy and grace; He also is filled full of holiness, wrath, righteousness. How can we not get excited and loud? In my desire to be all that He makes me to be; I fear at times I become that Jesus freak in our family -( I hear how I take this too seriously….really?? Calvary is nothing serious? sigh) I fear my desire to live and breathe and be His word in action sometimes overwhelms; sometimes comes across as something else. It’s hard to remember that not everyone can see the truth; so many veils that need to be removed.
Tough love. We all need it now and then. We need to temper that though with grace though too. Love is hard; it’s complicated and it’s messy. As imperfect as we are; in every struggle and in every mess; no matter how hard it is to love we must do just that. Truth and love.
Faith. Trust. Mercy. I must remember and trust in Him for He is their Holy Spirit and HE alone can move their hearts and minds. I must show grace no matter how others refuse to hear or obey His word -Show them truth and love, pray and wait for His spirit to move their heart ever more.
All we are is in Him; all we can do is call on Him.