Imperfect yet True

There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
Truth be told I am not sure there is much that I am truly afraid of. When it comes down to it though there are times when I am truly afraid; moments when I act or speak and moments later am horrified by my reaction.
Take the other day when my son dumped a brand new container of apple juice in the dining room. I firmly believe that a mop cannot really clean a floor; for a good shiny floor we have to have some elbow grease – a scrub brush and some time on our knees (great time for prayer too by the way!). I only get the chance to do this maybe once a month though since my three little ones keep me busy (and do I love my time with them), Back to my newly scrubbed and shiny floor. My oldest is so very independant; he tells everyone he is “big now” and there is nothing he cannot do (Just ask him- haha)  I am sure you can imagine how his ended. Oh how I yelled; how long I lectured; how foolish could he be to think he could lift this huge container, full to the rim, and manage to pour himself a cup without getting it all over the floor…sigh  Yep – I lost it.
He knows I love him. I thank God that I have children who forgive their mother who is so very imperfect in so many ways. Yet still he tell me that I am “the best mother I ever had..”
 That’s my boy ~ He manages to keep the floors sticky he is loud and impulsive; he never sits still and he is always quite loud. He is busy and wise, impetuous and quick. He is honest and loving and sweet; sensitive and gentle. He is created in God’s image.
There is a sadness  I feel when I know that I have acted harshly towards him. I know that I am a perfectionist; I believe in working hard and doing it right. I strive to see every moment and every action in every day as a moment to thank God, to glorify God.  After all all good things come from above. Our kids are good. Joyful noise is good. A sticky floor is good (better is a sticky floor with a little boy striving to sop it all up for his momma with a dishtowel).
We have so little time with them. I know some people say that it doesn’t go fast enough but I fear sometimes it goes too fast. I wish I could slow it down. I want to see others as He sees them; I want to be able to love them as He does. To help ease their burdens; bring them comfort in their time of need. I fear sometimes I get too passionate, too loud and too preachy and yet…..I am not ashamed of Him. My God who is so full of love and mercy and grace; He also is filled full of holiness, wrath, righteousness. How can we not get excited and loud?  In my desire to be all that He makes me to be; I fear at times I become that Jesus freak in our family -( I hear how I take this too seriously….really?? Calvary is nothing serious? sigh) I fear my desire to live and breathe and be His word in action sometimes overwhelms; sometimes comes across as something else. It’s hard to remember that not everyone can see the truth; so many veils that need to be removed.
Tough love. We all need it now and then. We need to temper that though with grace though too. Love is hard; it’s complicated and it’s messy. As imperfect as we are; in every struggle and in every mess; no matter how hard it is to love we must do just that. Truth and love.
Faith. Trust. Mercy. I must remember and trust in Him for He is their Holy Spirit and HE alone can move their hearts and minds. I must show grace no matter how others refuse to hear or obey His word -Show them truth and love, pray and wait for His spirit to move their heart ever more.
All we are is in Him; all we can do is call on Him.

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