For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:5
I have been wronged. Tricked….ambushed. Whatever you want to call it I came to the house of the Lord today seeking Him and I was filled. Nothing greater than this day; this time with Him, worshipping and praising Him.My joy was renewed and my mind refreshed. After these days and weeks of feeling so broken and tired and down it was a blessing indeed. And then it happened.
I was told that I will be assisting in the infant room. Excuse me? I was told!!!! Certainly this was briefly brought to my attention weeks ago as a plea for extra hands…..I dismissed it at the time. I was on my way out when I was stopped; there was no time for a conversation to be had. I dismissed it as nothing. As a homeschool momma of three 7 and under I admit it. I am selfish. Church is my time; for prayer and reflection.
It doesn’t help that left to me, my children would be in the pew with us. They would not be in separate room with folks that I do not know that I am to simply trust that they are doing right with my little ones. I have been told that is ridiculous. I have been told that all of the teachers are wonderful and kind and great with the kids. Church is a family affair; we are to come together to pray and worship. And I cannot effectively disciple my children when I do not know what is being preached to them each day. 😦
Call me a bad Christian but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I said it. Just because intentions are good; doesn’t mean whats being done is right. Look at the government schools – perfect example – lots of good, well meaning folks involved and yet – its a mess.
So today when I was stopped to ask if I could take another shift, I balked. Say what? And so I said it. I don’t want to. I was told it “isn’t that bad” ….. That’s nice. I still do not want to and had I been aware that leaving my daughter there a few times would result in me being forced to be a caretaker there myself…..It is not good when we are not given all the information. I was angry; I felt betrayed; badgered and bullied. In a rage I said to my husband “I will just go back to our old church; or to my aunt’s church..” I will not be told what to do. And if I am being badgered into this what about those other ladies I am told are so wonderful and giving? Who else is being forced into serving in the Sunday School rooms ?
What’s funny is how we are told we need one another; the body of Christ needs each person to do the role which He has called them to fulfill in the church. We ARE the church. My calling and your calling are not the same. Being a mother does not mean that I want to be a teacher or does being music lover mean I want to be a part of the music group. To assume, and then expect, something from another is rather bold. It goes against all I have read in His word. Instead of someone asking to speak with me and sharing the needs they had, they instead made the decision for me. How sad. How wrong.
Yet He is my shelter in this storm. He is who I need to please. I am praying – seeking His word on this. Lord help me to not place blame on the body. Help me to stifle my anger; calm my flesh that wants to rise up and truth be told; smack someone upside the head. I try not to remember and long for our old church and my sweet friends and Sisters from there who are so dear to my heart – I am seeking to hear and to understand my place in this church which is not home yet is home, to my family.
As I wait I shall praise Him; I shall honor Him and I shall seek His face. Selah 🙂