You know…?

Are you tired? I am tired.

I say that a lot lately. Yet I see the sun peeking out from behind those clouds and I am hopeful.

You should smile more….People would like you more….

I think of this (said to me many years ago at a camp I worked at) and it reminds me of the sun peeking out from behind the clouds outside.

Sometimes I wish I had the words to express the sorrow I feel or those who think you have to have a smile to be joyful.

I know – I seem rather apathetic to many – I am not out there with my joy –  I do not wear my heart on my sleeve…..Its not that I dislike sharing my felings with others; rather its that I do not want to seem to be something I am not.

I am not strong…..He is.

My heart is weak; I do not have the heart I would like to have. I must pray more and repent more for the sometimes stony heart that is within.

OH how I want to have His heart – always – within me.

I heard our youth pastor today telling the kids just that – do we elevate ourselves above others? Above those who are unsaved? Above those who have fallen away ?

Sometimes I forget where I came from … today was a reminder of that for me …. my journey, my struggle when I was born again …. my struggles still …. the gentle spirit, the peace and a tamed tongue…..oh to have a tamed tongue….

Woe is me – I can be so full of His spirit, I can have His words and yet I can speak them sometimes in such a way that they are like a teaspoon of medicine….without the honey that helps  it to go down ….

If you cannot say something nice, don’t say nothing at all….. I need to be silent more. I am a perfectionist – I am critical – I do not mean anything to be hurtful but sometimes my heart and my brain do not line up with my tongue…Ouch!

We need to be wise. We need to wait on Him.                                                                                                                                          
I do not know it all .. I do not want to know it all …

I do know that I need Him more every day. Every moment.

I need to repent more of my heart and my thoughts – I need to seek Him yet ever more. Every day.

Not just right now while this bitter pill sits on my tongue. I need to remember; I need to feel the same sorrow and repentance tomorrow that I feel in the pew today.

What good is a sermon, what good is His word – if we do not allow ourselves to be molded as the clay He wants us to be?



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