Letting Go ….

How does that saying go, Let go and let God?

This week …. so many lately (since our remodeling project began actually) have been full of surprises. I do not like surprises.

As we move piles from here to there; store things that way and this way…..Cook here, mix there. Brew coffee over there and get the creamer over there..Its a mess. And where is my happy little, restful and joyful home?

I keep playing in my mind “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good….” but all that comes out is….”what a mess…..this is stupid…… i hate this new kitchen……”

Great right? What a mess. Mean spirit. Critical tongue. Leave me alone.

It’s almost done.

Why did we do it anyway? I don’t know. My husband said we needed a bigger kitchen. I thought ours was fine. Either way our house was cleaner; easier to enjoy before all the mess.

I guess we need that mess sometimes; that brokenness – to go to the next level. I think sometimes we go to the next level without really being ready for it though. We want more and we force it – ready or not.

I like thing simple. Neat and tidy. I admit it. I do not do well – when my home is a mess, I am a mess. It does not matter why. I can not let go and just enjoy….

Yesterday I heard it playing in the background…”in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I’m blessed…..”

I had to rant of course. I could count my blessings or complain that I never wanted this in the first place. I could not get the clogged toilet; the pooy pants mess that got everywhere upstairs….I just could not let go.

Jesus forgive me. Sometimes those blessings are not what we expect. The greatest things in life do not always look the way we think they should.

I am learning. In the times of chaos – in the middle of my little mess – I am learning much when I step back. We all are. We have all been able to see every step of the process. It has been my husbands design, every little detail.

Powerful. Awesome. Inspiring. And a mess. Inconvenient. Painful. Messy. Disorganized.

Challenges and unplanned set backs…..its all coming together though. Almost at the end.

And I must let go. Let go of what I cannot control. I must release that stress and anxiety. I must remember that God is in control …..As my son loves to sing right now, “OH no you never let go, through the storm and through the calm …. Oh no you never let go of me…”

My life is a mess. My house is a mess. I am frazzled and tired and short with everyone. I am weary of the news when I go online …. Such stupidity, such madness everywhere. I was told the other day that I need to just get used to it. But I refuse to ever get used to these things. Stupid is not an option. Lazy is not the way.

I get angry….I must remember though ….. “Be angry, but sin not…”
I don’t know how that works exactly but I pray Jesus will guide me and refresh me. SO many things at home bringing me to the edge, so many things out there that make me want to scream .. ..

I wonder how He feels…..in all the insanity … I can only imagine….HIs creation, so fallen and so wrong…If it brings us such anger, and anguish….His must bve that much more….

My Lord, how I share in your burden….I pray for the strength and wisdom to continue,… the faith to continue in His purpose…..And I pray for forgiveness for those times of anger and impatience – those words that are harshly spoken – when I can take no more; when I feel I cannot fight the good fight anymore – Lord help me to endure.

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