I have been struggling….inside … I am one who believe in keeping thing separate. I do’t mix work and play. What is in the home stays in the home. I like my privacy. I like my alone time. I like things neat – in their place – in order.
Life is not always like that. Sometimes we convince ourselves that it is but it really isn’t.
Balloons and confetti – it a mess. Most people are thrilled; there is joy; excitement…I am not most people…..I jut want to get the broom and clean this place up.
Since our exchange daughter has been moved (due to the whole “God thing” a the program called it!!?) its been quieter here. But its also been messy here. Her desire to experience the world; the struggle he went through with us, caused her to have a new family for the rest of her time here. But once the move was in place she wanted to stay. he begged to stay. Her desire to be a part of both worlds has been a struggle for me too. ‘
I admit – I am more of a hermit by nature. I enjoy quiet time; solitude. Maybe its becaue I homeschool – I have three little ones, so every moment is go. go. go. When I get to ettle down and then another need comes to me…I admit it – my servants heart is not what it could be. I could see opportunities for ministering, but instead, often, I see things being “taken” from me. Our “daughter” was like that.
She was a teenager; far from home. she was emotional; she was conflicted in many things. I can not fault her for being a child. I cannot blame her or be angry at her for actions that are typical of a sinful child – actions that we are all guilty of at one time in our life. Who has not been forceful about getting something they have their heart set on – no matter the cost? Who has not been selfish, who has not been sad and angry> Who has not wanted to be something more than what we are? She is a child.
I am working through all of these emotions. I did not realize I was as fond of her as I was. I did not realize that my distance was not as I thought it was. Yet she is in a different place now and her desire to be where she was in the beginning cannot be taken lightly. There is so much involved her.
She was born again; water baptised; holy ghost filled….She does not need us -she needs to pray – she needs to go to Him.
I need to care for my little one. A confusing time for them; frustrating for me. When the last thing I want is to teach them how much strife really does come with being a child of God. sigh
They need to know. They need to be taught to be strong and to have faith in Him. They need to be taught and shown how to forgive; how to pray for thoe who persecute u and how to continue to show Him in all we do even as it all come against us. And they need to know that we all have struggles working through it all
It is not simple. The life oas His child i a struggle. But we need to focus on the peace and the joy that come from knowing Him – from being His. We need to remember that we are all sinners. It does not get easier because we are born again; the infilling of the Holy Ghost does not take away the desire for sin. But it does give us everything we need to be strong in His name.
I pray for the trength to love and forgive even in those times when it is hardrd. That my little ones may see and understand that no matter the troubles; His grace is enough. And when we are weak, HE is strong.