I am not good at waiting. I pray for patience. And then when I have the chance to practice it……Can you imagine?
We are on vacation right now in Eagle River Wisconsin with my in-laws.. It was meant to be a week away for our little family. The in-laws were invited to visit for a day or two.
They arrived Wednesday and do not leave until Saturday – we leave early Sunday morning ourselves. I am impatiently waiting to go home. Its raining too.
SO we are in a two bedroom cottage that my husbands boss graciously offered to us for the week. Nine of us. It’s nice and comfortable. For everyone but me. Part of that comes from knowing that my husband, innocently enough, did not clear this with his boss. Another part of this comes from the fact that when his family is here there is even less worship and talk of “religion” is kept to a bare minimum To keep everyone comfortable. And I am tired of being comfortable. Call me a trouble maker but if I cannot speak of my God, I just feel like a real “Judas”. Know what I mean?
I know my husband didn’t mean anything by it but we talked the other day about the lack of time spent on Him since we got here and my husband just shrugged it off as no big deal. We are “out of our element so it happens…its harder….” Excuse me? He knows better. Don’t get me wrong – I do not write this to speak badly of him or to bash him as a man of God. But I had to reply to him that we cannot leave God at the door. We Are out of our element here and that is why we should be even more intentional about spending time with him. I need some prayer. I need to not be angry… about this. But how can I not be? I strive to live for Him …. I stumble, a lot, I mess up – all the time. But I am trying…:-)
Now I am waiting…..to go home….I am trying to remember that we were blessed with this vacation – so perhaps it’s good to bless the in-laws with it too. But wishing they didn’t have to stay for the majority of it. Wishing they had not invited themselves. Wishing my husband had put his foot down and allowed them to stay for the two days agreed upon in the beginning….wishing people weren’t so selfish – I am being selfish too. Sometimes we need to be selfish – our family comes first – our husbands and kids.
Yet here we are in the middle of nowhere. I should be enjoying His creation – the sounds and smells; every little bit of the world He created.This is not the way I imagined it would be.
Why is it? I know I need to find the joy in all of this. Focus on how good it is for our kids to have fun with their grandparents … I am feeling selfish though. My husband says to make the best of it but he doesn’t understand and I am just told to have fun. Make the best of it.u And with my sour attitude I say “whatever”. Spent the morning in the walk in clinic getting a tick dug out of our 3 year old’s thigh – not fun. Spent the afternoon cleaning and caring for the little ones.
I am waiting….waiting to go home…waiting to get back to church because I feel like I need more of Him right now….I cannot play my podcast sermons or my worship music because my speakers have stopped working – disappeared from my computer – I am just waiting to go home. SO I can get to the church that is too big but has what I desperately need right now. Struggling and waiting….Waiting for a word from Him.
And I cannot speak because while I am grateful for this vacation in many ways – in so many more I would rather be home. Working on our mess. The money here could have gone to finish our new kitchen and do something with our old kitchen. I do not like money. We need it and its always enough …. If only…..I don’t want to wait for our house to be finished…But I thought it was great as it was. No need for improvement. Now we are waiting…..for more money and more time. Both of which I am (like a baby) lamenting over right now. Am I terrible?
I know that these in the Bible, and those outside of the Bible, have faced far worse than I am right now. I know that we need to wait. We cannot grow and be used to further His kingdom, when we are not willing to wait. Yet there is much to be done. So much to be done and sitting here watching the rain fall down …. Missing my time with Him… Wondering why it seems I am never content and why everyone else always is (or at least pretends to be). I want to know, as did Paul how to be content no matter the situation.
I know that there is a plan and a purpose for all our trials …and so I wait on the Lord….
Wait on the Lord and keep His way and He shall exalt thee…..