Not for Me

“You don’t forgive someone merely for their sake; you do it for your sake so you can be free….Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. You’re going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bitterness of unforgiveness or the freedom of forgiveness…Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another’s behavior.”

Sometimes life is full of disappointments. I know, Jesus has other, better plans for us. Be joyful in His plan, not our plans. sigh

I was so excited and hopeful for a Classical Conversations group in my area; I would be able to be a director and could thus afford this amazingly awesome but extremely expensive program. Anyway after a couple months of meetings and studying the program (pros and cons) I was led to someone with an insane amount of connections in the area. I saw this as God’s hand working in my life. I mean this is a great program; I was hopeful on many levels.

Then we went to our son’s National Bible Quiz tournament and by the time I came back, the lady I had introduced to Classical Conversations had applied and become director. No hard feelings right? I cannot say I do not have some resentment over this. Months of time and energy poured into trying to get the word out; studying so I could know and be, a director that could mentor and encourage those in the group…..taken over….

I am pleased that the program will be here for those who see the need and have the ability. I am frustrated though (and its hard to move on for the moment) when in all my conversations about this since I returned, no one seems to understand why I feel the “how” is wrong. Its hard to move on and let it go when your perspective and another’s cannot be reconciled…I am encouraged to join her group but the fact remains that there was a lack of communication and respect that I feel should never have happened. It is not my wish for ill will or to be seen as a child tantruming over what I could not have. It just remains that it could have been different. It could have been done in a way that brought Him glory.

There is a way that seems right…..We are all called for different things. We are called to minister and to work together and that can get sticky. It is why we need to encourage and hold each other up. This is best done when we take our time; when we consider ourselves less than another. He calls ~ we answer.  I love that I can answer when He calls and that great thing can happen. I want to move on. And I will move on. I need to trust Him ~ After every door He has shut has been one that did not lead to Him and His truth but something that could cause me to fall; to be led astray. And as I pray I know He is speaking to me, heart and soul, when He tells me that there is more. And that there is more with those who follow His one true  truth.

There are so many ways to be led astray. Its been on my heart for so long, to be able to share the truth, more fully. To teach HIs word, all of it, every jot and precept and line…I must be patient. I must keep the faith even as so many doors seem to slam in my face. There is so much wisdom and so much truth He has shown and He will provide a way for my feet to bring it to those desperately in need. In His time. He says “not for you..” So many times, we all (me too) seek a group t o belong to, to feel needed and a sense of belonging. Yet HE says, not now. Not there. You belong at home. Encourage your little ones; be a blessing to your husband, a light tuo your neighbors and lost family and friends ~ They need God too. There is more. But be strong in your foundation; walk with those who are salt and light and grow. And be blessed.

It pains me that this will not be. But I have faith. It saddens me that the way of the world is so thoughtless. Yet if this is His will; I say “thy will be done Lord….”  Not mine but His.

Where He goes I shall follow…..                                                                                 


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