I wonder sometimes…..what am I building? Lately I feel as though I am spending more time tearing things down than anything else.
I struggle with our oldest son. Every day. Nothing works. I have read and prayed and prayed and read. Sought counsel from my husband. No good has come from any thing so far.. I am tired; worn out. And starting to dread my once fun loving, eager to learn, little man. I know not when he went from eager and excited to bored and full of angst. It saddens me. There is such a heart within him. And yet I fear those early years of his life, when I should have been home with him, instead he went to daycare each day. It was a lovely Christian woman’s home daycare but still…It makes a difference.
I feel tired; drained. Just plain worn out. Feeling just plain old alone. Yet not alone. I know Jesus is there. He is always with me. I know this because in them midst of my feeling down and out; troubles with the in-laws, chaos with my oldest son; my sweet cousin, who is ever so troubled, finding out she is due with a darling babe in December….So much Lord…too much Lord….But then a sweet and dear friend, sent me a message which said:
“Expect the best always from GOD to you!! The Lord led me to tell you this that u are never forgotten! He continues to keep His eye upon you and His hand upon your shoulder each day of your journey. God loves you as if you were the only person on earth. You have captured the heart of God.!!”
Oh how I bawled! Oh how I prayed – feeling t he Spirit all about me; praying in tongues without ceasing….goosebumps all over…I thank the Lord that He knows just what we need and when we need to hear. He is good all the time. It reminded me too that there are so many, who know not, there are so many who heard and yet did not respond…Jesus loves us all and yet – there is still much to sow and much more to reap. The time to rest is not now. Let us pursue…and let us recover all that is ours, as His word stays. I claim it in Jesus name!