“Approach communication as a discussion rather than a lecture. Our power is not in the number of words we use; long lectures are not usually effective. In parenting: Listen more and lecture less.” Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch, NO MORE PERFECT KIDS
I know how to lecture. Some have said I would make an excellent “professor”. I know better. Sure, I can give lots of information on just about everything. I love to read and feel an inherent need to know all I can about so many things. Parenting is one of those things. Unfortunately I can treat my children as pupils and I forget too often, especially with my oldest son, that sometimes, I just need to listen. Slow down.
Sometimes when I talk I need to keep it simple, give a little and then help him work it through. I know that many times I lecture because I can see the eyes glaze over, I can see him tune me out; finding his getaway. And I try not to blame him. I try so hard not to get upset. We need to see these opportunities as times for discussion. A time to learn and grow together. A time to delve into God’s word. Because our children need to know what He says. they need to see that in His word, we can find answers to those hard things. And even those not so hard things. Who and what do we go to in times of trouble?
They say rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Every time I fall into one of these times, where I become “preacher”, I have to step back. I need to take a breath and remember. And examine (myself *ahem*) what went wrong. And how my relationship with my children can help to make the wrong doing a time we can grow together. A time we can make our relationship stronger and deeper. The older they get, the more we need to have that connection; they need to know, without a doubt, that we are there. That our love is that agape love, strong and true. If they are unsure; if our love for them is seen to waiver…Let it be strong.
Our little girl is told she is too small to play with her brothers; our younger son is too young to do that thing his older brother does; one has a need that is met while the other feels an injustice…Ages and stages. Where are our hearts and our minds in these struggles we face? So many are simply things of the heart. and these are issues we cannot resolve without that connection between us and our children. Without love and trust. It is hard watching them grow up; letting go. In faith we need to allow them sometimes to step out (with us near of course) and seek the answers they need. We need to at times, let them fall but let them see when they do, we are here to lift them up. We go forward, together.
Let us pray that we will have the wisdom and love we need, to help guide our children. and let us be humble enough that we may learn and grow with them. Cherishing these times, which do pass by so quickly.