I have been called lots of different things; some see me as a snob; a pharisee, sad and angry, indifferent, cold…I could go on but you get the general idea right? Simply put I am an introvert.
I need and crave….quiet…time alone…
I have three kids and a husband I love dearly. None of them get it. At the end of the day I need to rest; to sit and think, a quiet house. Sadly its not all about it; it never is. 🙂 Wanting these things though, understand, it does not mean that I am not listening to you; it does not mean that I am not aware of what’s going on around me. It definitely does not mean that I don’t care.
We home educate our children by choice; it is a challenge however, a balancing act if you will; nothing but people time, and I get very cranky, tired and restless. I do not sleep well and things kind of fall apart. This is not good. Since I am the only one who can make sure I have my time each day; its almost a must for me to be up early. I am eager to begin prayer walking and perhaps if winter ever passes I can do this as my husband prepares for work in the morning. And frankly a day of the kids and then a husband seeking attention in the evening, I am drained.
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
It can be impossible to think sometimes. You may laugh but to get over it I sometimes need to wear my special ear coverings from the shooting range. It muffles it a bit. Enough. lol What can I say? In a world that is full of noise and bright lights and all things sparkly and shiny…I just have to get away. I need the dull and boring place to go; I need my little hide-out – even if its just the latest book; a favorite song or time on my swing outside with a cup of warm tea with honey.
“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
I applaud those who can be so honest and bring strength and inspiration to us introverts, in those times when we might start to think we really are weird (in a bad way). There is such a bias against quiet; there are too many who are afraid of silence and boredom. What if we embrace it instead? What if we seek to understand instead of telling those introverts we know, to “get out of your shell” and “stop being so serious all the time”.
I have a very small handful of friends. I love being home; I prefer being home. We go on vacations; we explore the great outdoors and epecially the kids, we enjoy getting out and about, round town now and then but ultimately, its about finding that balance. It is about being more than comfortable, being alive, being strong and sure, in my silence. And being demanding when I absolutely need to (with my husband) that I get that quiet, that time alone, I need to be able to continue to care for and keep my home and family.
As for the Lord, I could not say it better than this: “When introverts go to church, we crave sanctuary in every sense of the word, as we flee from the disorienting distractions of twenty-first-century life. We desire to escape from superficial relationships, trivial communications and the constant noise that pervade our world, and find rest in the probing depths of God’s love.” Adam S. McHugh
I seek to be nothing more than a healthy Christian, one who has a sense of God’s presence stamped deep onto my soul, trembling at God’s word, letting it dwell within richly by constant meditation upon it, and testing and reforming my life daily in response to it.” (J.I. Packer)