I feel like a failure today

I struggle to remember some days that I am not perfect. I am not in control. It is not my will that is to be done but His.

I woke up to something similar to this (I take that back; I was awake already but still….)

Did I mention from the time my eyes opened, a terrible migraine attacked. Trying to get that first cup of coffee in me while the children fought and made clear what “needs” they had…I just want my coffee. lol

I look around and the house is a mess. Toys everywhere. Two very stinky dogs that desperately need grooming and a bath…I need to get these carpets cleaned – the kids are fighting again…Who spilled my coffee in that second I looked away? And the milk that is all over the table? cereal too? out of the corner of my eye my daughter (who is 2) feeds the dog her cereal, from off her own spoon ..blech!

This isn’t bad? Not so awful…..It could be worse. This happens to other moms all the time right? Or is it just me? Oh how I need to know and be the kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy. The kind of mom that looks to Him, that seeks His will as I struggle to disciple these sweet children He has blessed me with (struggling to count them as blessings right now – truth!)

I know. I the depths of my soul, in my heart I know I am not alone. I know this motherhood thing … its messy… we are all imperfect, works in progress…it is a continual journey which we have embarked upon.  Its so messy…some days it seems its all for naught….some days its like we have never told them no before; never trained them in the way that is right….again and again we must get on our knees and then stand strong knowing this is all for Him.

I admit it there are days I look at all those neat and clean children with their fashionable, cool looking moms and on those not so good days – its a challenge to be appreciate that which He gave me. (LOL) Yet I cannot sit in a pity party for one. I cannot allow the idea into my mind that as I am, is not good, for He created each one of us. He said “very good” when He made each one of us “in His image”. And God does not make mistakes. He does not need us to improve on His creation. That IS what I do when I doubt; when I wish I was taller, or had curlier more manageable hair.

Its been a struggle this morning. We decided early on to “quit school” today. In exchange we will watch some movies, color, read together..We will just BE together today. We will seek to take joy in how He created us; we will look for those blessings that are within those things that we usually consider to be a trial. It’s all a part of this awesome new birth that comes with being born again into His Kingdom. Challenges we face; learning new things and new ways. His ways.

I pray that His ways; His mind and His eyes, can be my own. In those hard times and in those times that are so much easier to enjoy. Let the mind of Christ dwell in me richly.


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