Not Enough

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.” Proverbs 18:10

I am sitting here pondering tonight – after sending EVERYONE to bed – what is it that causes me to feels broken on some days, more than others?

Today has been a rollercoaster ride, up and down, good laughs and frustration and tears. Lots of them all. Visiting with family today I learned that my very lost, very broken cousin, will have a child in December, that will be taken into custody right away, and its mother will go straight to a clinic or hospital, following the birth. It angers me. It saddens me. It brings me a myriad of emotions that I struggle with.

I ponder my family – such a mess – and I try to remember that everyone’s is. In one way or another. Its times like this that I feel how alone I am. I run to the Lord because He really is all I have. Its a comfort to know and at the same time, a pain to admit, that when things are tough and when I am feeling so broken, He is the only one thats really there. And its when I remember that regardless of anything else, He is more than enough.

I am a mother with an eight year old whose room looks like a tornado blew through it. Almost daily. The mother of a 4 year old and 2 year old who cannot let go of my legs and need to see me and know that I am truly seeing them, every moment of my day. And I am the wife of a husband who I feel is less involved; less present than he could be, and has a wife that  is short, with quite the temperment *ahem* because I am doing sowon much for everyone and feeling “left behind” so often. One who some days seems like “one of the kids”. I some days wonder what the definition of help-meet is… And my kids, I ponder, what will their memories be, when they are grown and gone? Time flies by – its a shame we are not better stewards of what we are given. Movies and video games and “stuff” – it is not ever enough.

Sigh……..It’s when we are weak that He shows Himself strong in us….right?  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And I thank Jesus for that grace.


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