I like to think of myself as someone who can handle it all, mom who rules with a wife who manages it all all the time. But I have to admit lately I don’t quite feel that way. I am just worn out!
Really I hate to admit it, I feel guilty and less than I should be saying don’t think I can do anymore. Not right now.
I think my to do list is a mile long and right now I just don’t care.
I had to chuckle when I open my email to see the subject line and one of my emails was Taking Care of You.
It gave me the idea that maybe I need to take a break. Perhaps I need to get some rest.
It’s been one week of up and down, asleep and awake. Maybe my daughter is teething, maybe it’s just the stage but whatever it is I am so tired. Perhaps it’s also the fact that my sweet daughter, now five months old, is constantly on my hip on my back. I do love baby wearing but it makes me tired. And I do love my baby but she wears me out. At the same time but it warms my heart and brings me so much joy to see her big eyes and chubby cheeks and her gigantic smile sometimes I want to be able to put her down and just sit down. By myself, with both hands on my book.
It doesn’t help that when my husband is home, she is still working. His job, the company itself, is great but it sure keeps him going. Even when he is home he is working sometimes; he is also working on his MBA. It takes time. Time away. So many projects he has started, or plans to start, so many things he would like to get done (household maintenance needs) he just does not have time for. (or money – funny how we need both and have so little of both to boot! lol)
Then it occurred to me that all things have to be intentional. If it means that much to us, we will make a way. I need to take care of me. As much as I consider it a selfish thing, I need those 15 minutes of quiet with a book and some tea/coffee. I need that time to write and think. Its selfish not to make time for this – I cannot serve joyfully if I feel so worn down. I get cranky; like my baby girl I fuss that I am not being attended to as I would like. I forget that its not about me, There is a bigger picture.
Its not about me. And yet sometimes, its okay for me to take that time to better be, me. To be a better momma, a better wife, a better keeper of the home. A better student to my Jesus. I cannot be any of those things if I do not step away. And when I take the time, when I determine to be still…I know that He is God, on the throne and in control and all things will work together for good.