Got to Want It


I think sometimes I forget that it’s not all about me. And it can’t always be the way I want it to be. As a recovering perfectionist and someone was slightly obsessive-compulsive about things, it’s a hard lesson to learn.
I think my oldest son is learning that lesson now too. He flopped down at the kitchen table the other day to let me know that he just can’t get it right. When I asked him what it was, he looked at me and said “everything.”
He is such a smart little boy. He struggles with focus and attention though. He is a Little boy who sometimes is wiser than his years and other times, well is a little boy. And I admit it, because the first times that he seems like such a little man, more often than not I treat him that way forgetting but he still a little boy.
So it breaks my heart to see him so frustrated with something that he enjoys so much. And it makes me question how well I have been teaching him. Have I put too much pressure on him? Has he put too much pressure on himself? How do we go back to those days when it was just about having fun and learning just happened along the way?

 I always say that homeschooling is, to me, one of the greatest test of our faith. With my oldest son I never really know if he’s getting it or not. We are always trying something new, mixing things up. And while a big part of me loves but I can do that I admit there is a part of me that really would be more comfortable with things being black and white. With my coffee being dark. No options, no mess. Nice and simple.

But isn’t it funny but those times that we are uncomfortable doing that God uses to cross. I often look back on how different my life is from what I always dreamed it would be. I remember times and seasons I never would’ve pictured myself being in. And I remember to that somethings have to be put under a great deal of pressure in order for them to shine. Sometimes we can only be best used when we are able to go through those pressures and we come out stronger and different. In a good way 😉 

As for my son I am continuing to learn myself how to best be, maybe not his teacher, but perhaps his guide. I am learning to let him follow his interests as much as possible at home. No matter how silly I think something may be or how pointless it seems to me. We are doing a loop schedule right now to try to make sure that we cover all those things that he must have and still ensure that he has plenty of time for the things that he feels he must have.
Some of our daily activities I things like math and reading, writing and spelling. But we use a loop for science and history, art and music, foreign languages (he is learning Spanish French and Chinese his choice not mine) as well as any other things that may catch his fancy. It’s still a work in progress too.  Lol

I am trusting in God more and more right now. I am leaning on God more and more to direct. As my kids get older I think I see more and more how important it is to encourage strong character and values more than academics. I think it’s important for my children to know not just that they are children of God created in God’s image but also for them to share the love he has for us with others. For them to show the fruits of the Spirit. After all what is a more excellent thing to retain the knowledge of God and a true relationship with our Lord. I heart and hands that are eager to serve.  
I remind myself today and probably tomorrow too but we never decided to homeschool for academics. While I absolutely believe in a good education, a classical education, what does it matter if we do not know the only one who matters?  We homeschool for Jesus. We homeschool for love. We homeschool so that we can embrace exactly who we were each created to be.


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