It’s much is I hate to admit it there a time that I am quite like a child. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s the lack of self-control or a sign of the need for more time with Jesus.
For whatever reason this morning I was just extra moody. It was one of those mornings that I knew better, and yet instead of getting away for a bit, I just exploded.
As some of you may know if you’ve been following this blog for anytime, my oldest son is very challenging. He struggles with attention and focus, he is very impulsive and stubborn. Our days often consist of numerous struggles because well I want to allow him the freedom to learn and explore and play, I also know that there are things that must be done. No matter how he feels about it. Math and reading and writing. These cannot be ignored. Yet he is such a plugged in child, the challenge is on plugging him without causing a “melt down”.
I had some things I had to attend to this morning myself so I gave them some time to walk to shower too. When I was done the little ones went to get washed up, but the breakfast dishes away, and go get dressed. My oldest son picked up the controller to turn on yet another show.
And that was it for me. I proceeded to give him the longest and probably most ridiculous lecture ever about the junk he watches. About his inability to follow directions. About his need to be more self controlled and independant. I rail at him for a time and then just walk away. I am ashamed to admit it. I allowed my feelings to get in the way. (the screens in our home have been an issue for me for some time now ~ I pray one day there will be none ~ until that time I need to manage them I know, more consistently).
I sat in the kitchen for a minute. Sipping my coffee. I read the scripture above. And I felt that sting. I was angry, and while I can be angry, I am told we are to sin not. I think I screwed that up. The flesh got the better of me; I can blame my lack of sleep and my teething and miserable baby, I can blame anything and everything I want but the truth is, I gave in to a sinful attitude. I was not showing my son Jesus. Its time to manage and show more Godly character. (I have been contemplating character studies for awhile now – this is my hard nudge in their direction).
Discouraging to fail, in front of our children. Humbling to go before them, admitting we were wrong and seeking reconciliation and forgiveness. How blessed we are though that children are so forgiving; so eager to reach out that hand and just love us.
May we learn and grow from these times of struggles and disappointments, that we do not allow the devil a foothold.