It’s Not a pity Party

Jesus tells us, if we are to come after Him we need to deny ourselves, take up the cross, and follow Him.

I think about this today, because for whatever reason just feeling tires I’m a little alone.

Much like the Christian walk this homeschooling thing, it is not for the faint of heart.

This is discipleship. And it isn’t free. In fact throughout the Bible Jesus makes it clear that self denial is a big part of this program.

As a homeschool family I think we appreciate the statement even more. Because there is one do this. It is not something that we take lightly and it’s not something we do after work or in between after school activities. This is our life.

There are things that everyone of us gives up when we become parents. There are things that we have to let go of, their experiences that we will have but we never thought I’m having before we became homeschoolers.

There is so much self denial that comes with this. Long hours of Bible study or impossible right now. Instead I spend as much time as I can in the morning before my children awake as I can reading and praying. Post scriptures about the house, I have Bibles in various rooms. I take as much as I can get when a moment allows. And as much as I can I encourage them to read the word and studying with me. In fact we do Home of memorization by being a part of our church’s Bible Quizzing program.

Often in my days I have to remind myself but well spending days at the Art Museum and hours at the theater and the opera is no longer a possibility for me ( not at the season in my life anyway) the experience of I am having now so much richer! They aren’t what I planned, and if I am completely honest sometimes they are the very last thing I want to be doing. But what an exercise this is for my family. Showing our children how important it is for us to encourage them as they follow their interest this is for my family. Showing are children how important it is for us to encourage them as they follow their interests even if it is something that we have no desire ourselves. It’s an exercise in showing how love is a verb. Are we willing to forgo our desire for another?

No I’m not saying that every day I leap for joy at the thought of digging up worms or studying bugs or catching toads. I admit to having to work hard sometimes to show joy and interest and enthusiasm. When my oldest son is all about computer coding and graphic design and making movies ( none of these I have any interest in at all) I have to be very intentional about how I respond to him. Because he is excited and it means the world to him these things that he creates. I need to be encouraging and I need to see his simple joy and enthusiasm and embrace it. Because this isn’t about what I like or what he likes so much as it is about building a relationship and loving one another.

Sometimes we have to give things up. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do are homeschoolers. We have just found it so hard to cultivate and maintain relationships with those who do not have a similar lifestyle. And I remind myself often that this homeschooling thing, it’s a calling from the Lord. This is my ministry to my family. And it’s for now. This will not last forever one day they will all be grown. For now I simply choose to follow the Lord and pay the price whatever it may be.

Even on days like today where I feel tired and I would love to see an old friend and drink some coffee or even just drink some coffee and listen to silence, it’s not about me. It never was to begin with but once I chose to do this thing, this exciting ever-changing, crazy homeschooling thing, it became even less about me. And that’s okay because no matter how I feel I know that the Lord is with me always. I know without a doubt but I am where He is called me to be and I am doing all that He has called me to do. No matter the struggle the joy of the Lord is my strength!

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