Wondering

My oldest son and I have really been struggling to get along lately. And I’ve been wondering if any of those things that ith really matter. He’s such a spirited boy! He is stubborn and Moody and so sweet and so sensitive.

He is gone this week at camp with our church. For a whole week. Although he only left maybe an hour ago it’s amazing the difference in our house. So quiet. The little ones aren’t sure what to do with out there brother. We already miss him no matter the challenges he may bring to our days.  

We watched them drive away and we waved. And then we headed to our van to get home. I have some plans to get and some planting to finish before it’s too late. It’s going to be a small garden this year but a garden none the less. And then I saw this little thing sitting by my seat

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We have really been focusing on character and virtue in our home for the last few weeks. We have stopped focusing on academics and started focusing on hearts. We have been studying the word of God more and other people’s words a bit less. Yet every time I break up a fight, and every time we fightsl and yell I wonder if anything is getting through? Then I see this sweet little note and it makes me tear up. Maybe just a bit? Okay a lot. 

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He has such a sweetheart. Such a Gentle Spirit. We struggle and we fight so much but he gets it. My first born who will always be my baby is growing up and has such a heart for God. I have to look past the messy handwriting. I showed my husband and encouraged him to look past that too.  Sweet letter what are some thought to ride in advance. Reassurance. 

Because sometimes I wonder if he knows how much we really love him. And sometimes I wonder if he cares. When he does things to provoke his brother and his sisters or even myself…. I see this letter and it reminds me that well in so many ways he is so big he really is still my little boy. He is growing but he is sure of himself and his place and our family. He knows that he is loved not just by us but by our great God too!

I shall keep this close to my heart. I will pull this out whenever I am ready to give up and feel like all of my work doesn’t matter. No matter how messy it may be it as written in love. A little glimpse onto my son’s heart. These are the little things that make it all so worthwhile. ♡♡♡

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