Rachael Escalante says ” When I am bitter I will not be able to get along with others nor be happy with anyone. Bitterness is a poison that kills me without me even realizing it.
I admit to feeling just a bit better right now. My oldest son seems to be going through some sort of rebellion and everyday seems to be a fight with him. Of course that makes it a challenge to do much with my younger three. And it makes it even harder to keep the house in order. And in all of this I feel so incapable and unworthy and ill-equipped for this battle but I seem to be living in right now.
Then my husband heads out to the church for morning prayer or goes to sit in the Bible study. And I get just a bit better. I can admit that right? I mean with all the challenges I face Bailey at home it seems so unfair but while I just strive to keep the house looking semi organized and when I struggle to get any more than 5 minutes of time devoted to my Lord each day….. it’s hard not to get a little bitter.
I look around at our home and I step back and I watch my four children. Our little home I have always felt it’s just right for all of us. Yet as the days go by lately it’s a struggle to not see all the glaring imperfections and our home and family.
It’s more of a challenge today to let go those areas of our house that we should have fixed long ago. Those cracks in the walls or the caulking in the bathroom that is getting pretty gross. Or the floor that is rotting out in our bathroom.
I have to intentionally look past all of this and remember that we are still blessed in this little home.
Hebrews 12:15 reads: looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God bless any root of bitterness springing up trouble you and thereby many beautiful
This reminds me of how important it is for us to be intentional and conscience of the words we say and the things we do. All the time. how important it is for us to guard our mind and our heart so that we did not allow the bitterness to grow.
This morning I informed my oldest son that he needed to turn over the little computer his dad gave him. I also informed him that he will no longer be allowed to use the computer. We need to be accountable. When days go by and do the work is not getting done because we are too busy playing…. or because we are choosing those things that we shouldn’t…. we need to unplug . We need to turn it off. No matter how convenient it may be if it is not being used properly. I admit I felt a little bitter.
I invested in a couple online courses the other day. Specifically for myself. Because I admit it, the other day I spent a bit of time on our school district’s website looking over the enrollment process. I have always been adamantly against the school system. I have always believed and I still do that the Lord gives us our children and we are the ones who will answer to him one day for how we can train them up .
But if they are rebellious….? If mama is so burnt out that she can’t see straight…..If they are difficult and distracted….
As always God is on time and faithful to hear our prayers. Because both of the courses that landed in my inbox came just on time. I am tired and weary and I admit I have allowed myself to become just a bit bitter towards my family. I have struggled to determine how to balance my vision for my family and our journey in this home education.
Truthfully I was reminded of the value of stepping back and letting go at times. Like now, right now I have dedicated the time and days to igniting that fire again within all of us. Because I truly believe that loving and learning go hand and hand and we cannot do one without the other. when there is so little Joy found in time together, we need to pray for the Lord to restore the joy.
I think of how often in the Bible we are told to remember…. and now is that time to remember why we chose to educate our children at home. How important it is to have a vision and to have direction. We have to focus . And so that said what is our goal?
John came before Jesus. Preparing the way . As mamas should not be preparing the way each day for a children?
Ensuring that everyday they know the path they ought to take. This is just one of those ways but we are to look well to the ways of our household. Preparing and planning. Walking in thae way which we know Gid has for us to go. And doing so joyfully knowing that God is with us.
When we step out in faith even in the storms that we see God. I was reading this morning about how in the book of Hebrews we see so much faith. But there is also great endurance within. We forget sometimes the value of enduring. we forget how powerful it can be just simply be still.