We all have those days. Those days that seem like the worst day ever.
Yesterday might have been mine. I think there was a point in the day where I contemplated packing my bags and running away.
Perhaps it is because the kids know that summer is almost here. And when summer comes there are always so many fun things to do that we only have a short time to do them all in.
And here is the big mean mom insisting that we complete that math lesson and that we do our handwriting and that we read that book just a little bit more. Just a couple more pages please?
I might have been okay if it wasn’t for the little art project. My kids desire to create with homemade clay seemed like such an excellent idea at the time. In the moment I did not think about after… when the dough from the clay and the food coloring is all over the house. When the kitchen floor is no longer a nice marble but instead chalk white…. I think I could call it creativity gone bad?
I have been on a mission for a few weeks now to really purge are house. To deep clean every room. Every cabinet and drawer and shelf. Because less is more. And if there is less mess there is more fun. There’s more peace. More joy.
That’s all super good stuff for us moms to have!
But my plans to do a little cleaning and a little creating and then relax for the day just went terribly wrong. I am sure you can imagine the insane mess that was art for the day.
I kind of lost it. I think I momentarily went mad. My kitchen covered in white period red food dye somehow in big splotches all over our carpet. At first I thought somebody was bleeding and I was almost panicked by that! I admit I was kind of mad that it wasn’t blood because why was food coloring in the living room in the first place? Lol
I yelled. And I fussed. And I made my kids clean up their mess. Then I was really stupid. I went back and I pointed out to them everything that they missed and I proceeded to clean up after their clean up. I showed absolutely no grace. Instead of thanking them for cleaning up the best I could instead of thanking them for cleaning up the best I could I be little them for not doing a job well enough.
of course bless their hearts they are so gracious and forgiving. When I came to them to apologize and to let them know how wrong I was in action and in word my oldest puts the blame back on them. He tells me that they should have been more careful and made less of a mess. They could have been more careful and intentional in their work.
All the hearts of little children! How I pray that I could have the heart and mind of these little ones. Such is the kingdom of heaven?
I vowed to them but I would not yell. I would not be that angry mom anymore. I cannot be that angry mom anymore.
I think back on the fondest memories I have with my mother when I was a child. We were at the ballet or outside exploring. Listening to music and reading books.
When my children are grown and they are looking back and telling their children about their fondest memories I want them to remember Joy. I want them to remember Grace. I want them to know each one of them kindness and unconditional love.
I just write this because I need help. I cannot change on my own. I absolutely believe with Jesus at my side I can conquer this anger and we can have a summer that is fun and full of joy. We can explore and grow and build relationships each of us with the other.
I blog this because I need to be accountable. Everyday I need to remember and I need to choose Joy. I need to think myself happy. Every day. In every moment.
If there is something you are struggling with please do share. But we can pray one for another. And know that there is so much power in just one. One step. One thought. One moment.