Un School Home School

When I Don’t Know 

So many days lately I just don’t know.
 we ventured into unschooling a few weeks ago and when I love the concept I am really struggling to stick with it. 

Why you may be asking?
My oldest son is so very rebellious. It seems as the days pass he gets moodier. More restless. And since he rebels against any structure or direction struggling trying to find ways to inspire and encourage him.

I remind myself that he loves music and he can often spend quite a bit of time drumming or playing on the keyboard.

He is quite artistic too and it’s amazing some of the things he can draw and even the things he can design on the computer. He has done some coding and some graphic design classes. For this not text Savvy Mom it’s quite impressive all that he can do.

Yet at the same time when he isn’t doing he is busy brooding. He can be so I’m kind to his brother and his sisters just because. He opens his mouth and often speaks foolishly or rudely.

I wonder what happened to the little boy that I raised who was once so polite and spoke words of wisdom often Beyond his age.

I shudder sometimes because in my family kids have a hard time growing up. Looking back on my childhood and family and friends too,  it was really rough. There were some awful experiences that come to mind. Bad decisions and dangers one after another. Loss and pain.  Too much.

 I hesitate to say that he knows better. He knows the Lord. He’s been baptized in His precious name. He speaks in other tongues as is the evidence of being filled with the Holy Spirit. And he knows what is sin and still chooses to do it.

I remind myself that I don’t know. And I remind myself that God knows. I remember that even Paul spoke so plainly and honestly when he said that the things he wished to do he did not do any of the things he did not want to do he did.
Spirits and principalities and powers. It is a continual war that we are in. The Flesh and the spirit continually warring against one another.

I shudder to think of the things that my son could fall into. The strongholds. I strive to find ways to help him to guard his mind against these things.

At the same time I rest and the truth that I just do not know. I do not know his path and I do not know his purpose. But I do know the God who does know all these things and more.

I will not fear for where there is fear there is no faith. I will simply speak truth and Speak Life. I can only continue to show him the word and to pray for his heart and for his mind.

I don’t know. But I am so grateful that I know the One who does know. 💞💞💞

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