Always Fighting

I think one of my favorite things in the scriptures is God’s instruction to us simply be still and know that He will fight for me.
Yet of the many things but I could struggle with in my walk with God perhaps this is the one I battle with the most of all.

I have always been a fighter. I kind of had to be in life. With a single mother who struggled with a lot of mental health issues I grew up asked. I remember my father telling people when I was 6 Maybe but I was really 25. It just wasn’t an option for me to be a child.

I learned early on in life that when you don’t fit in you have to make your own way. It reminds me of how the scriptures talk about the violent taking Heaven by force.  So much in my life was about me having to take things by force.

I never really fit in. I never had friends and those few I did have were just as peculiar and strange as I was. That hasn’t changed much through the years. I still today have only a small number of friends but friends which I am so very grateful for because certainly they are Heaven sent.
I ponder this morning how much of my life continues to be about me fighting.
 I never wanted to be a warrior. I never wanted to spend every moment of my day fighting with my first born son. Struggling with my children to help them see and love one another.

I consider strangers we have welcomed into our home through the years who have come and embraced what we offer and then those who have rejected it all. 

Every one of us is in a battle. Daily it is a battle between the flesh and the spirit. At the end of each day have I fought the good fight?

I’m always so conflicted when it comes to fighting. Because I admit much like Peter when he cut off that soldiers here I fear sometimes I am too ready to fight. And I know more often than not I need to simply be still.  

When I feel alone or when I feel depressed I need to be still. When it seems like those nearest and dearest to me are all falling away I need to seek comfort and peace in my Lord. I need to trust God.   

I am not ashamed and I will never be ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is my salvation and it is my power and it is my strength. I shall not be moved.
And when the enemy comes rushing in and when it seems it is the time to go to battle that is one I must stop and be still.
 

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