I Don’t Know

My boys have been taking an archery class for a couple weeks now. A great little company not far from our house. The guys are so friendly and excited to have my two boys there. My boys were so curious about everything!

It’s been an amazing experience so far. It has shown us some strengths and it is also showing us some weaknesses.

My younger son is just a natural at this sort of thing. Anything for that matter that requires attention to detail and a precise way of doing things he excels at. Naturally.

My oldest son on the other hand struggles with this sort of thing. He is very impulsive and active. He’s constantly doing a thousand things and thinking a thousand things all at once. He makes me tired just sitting next to him some days. Haha

It was hard to believe let us this class progressed we saw the jealousy the older brother has towards the younger brother. We saw some frustration. We heard him begin to refer to himself as stupid and idiot.

And then he made a bigger mistake and his instructor had him take a day off of class. To think about the rules and safety issues that we need to be aware of always when we are learning something like this. And I guess it really upset my oldest son because after our next class I received a call from the teacher about something written on a wall. And it wasn’t very nice.

How forgiving this place is. And these people. You see who people really are when something happens that is against them and if they still show kindness and compassion. Regardless of my sons mistakes they were not kicking him out nor were they holding anything against him but we’re concerned for him and their relationship with him.

When my son was confronted he vehemently denied the whole thing. A couple times he said things and gave away details that made me sure that he did indeed do what we thought he did. How awful is that. How awful is the pain in the shame within him? Not to mention my own horror as his mom. Pondering what we did wrong and where perhaps what we talked didn’t get caught?

I am so grateful for wise women who are friends and warriors in the prayer room. It’s a challenge knowing that my son was listening to that voice speaking lies and hurts, causing him shame and pain. That there was so much sadness and anger bottled up within. and that he could not admit any of it to my husband or myself. Truly the devil seeks whom he may devour. We must be alert.

I walked away and left him pondering this act that was done by someone. And after much prayer, some time later that day he came to my husband and acknowledged what he had done. He acknowledged the anger that he felt for being pulled out of the class the one week which was when he scrawled this phrase on their wall. Have you felt singled out even though he did wrong and just not good enough.

He knew what he did was wrong and he kept this from being discovered for a while. When he was caught sneaking about over there it was because he was trying to undo what was already done. What an opportunity to share and teach about the value of our words and our behavior. I couldn’t have taught him a more powerful lesson myself. For him to act in a moment of anger and realize when he calmed down the damage that was done and know that it was too late to do anything but confess.

The Bible tells us to be quick to hear but slow to speak and slow to Wrath. It also tells us how important it is to be meek and temperate.

How often do we ourselves feel left out? I wonder how many times that voice Whispers in my ear that I am not enough. Perhaps it encourages me to compare myself to that wonderful mama at church who has it all together and who is always a vision of peace and serenity. Maybe it reminds me that my kids failure to understand decimals and long division proves that I am nothing but a failure.

I think of how many times the Bible tells us that we need to be transformed by the word of God. We need it to renew our mind. We will not naturally think those thoughts that are true and right and good. We must have the will within us the drives those promises and words so precious given to us by the Lord himself into the front of our mind that whenever the enemy comes in the word of God floods him out.

We never know what’s really going on in someone’s heart and mind. It isn’t hard to walk around with a smile on your face. It’s about truth and it’s about love. It’s about knowing that God is more than enough.

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