Too Much? Or Not Enough?

I have always been told that I am one of those really intense people.

I make people uncomfortable because I seem to expect too much. But sometimes I think I don’t expect enough.

Lately I’ve just been feeling like we’re stuck in this crazy merry go round. Around and around we go. Same thing but different day.

Managing the kids as they fight and bicker. I am all for a competitive spirit but does everything have to be a competition? Can’t we all just get along. Lol

Other days it seems it has to be all or nothing. Perhaps we have an especially good day and get all this stuff done that we need to. But then maybe the next day we can’t even get out of our pajamas.

Sometimes it just seems like the expectations are not high enough.

I know we all go through seasons. There are times when we need to rest and while I am not the best at getting it all the time I am learning to recognize the signs that say I need to rest.

I absolutely believe that learning is a process and that the best learning happens naturally. But how long before we see some fruits from our labor?

Walking by the spirit and led by the spirit can be tough. Let us not be weary in well-doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.

As our children get older there’s so much more for them to understand. I think of the times that I try to teach my children to just be kind. To just finish what you starts. To show compassion. Give what you need because if you need it they probably do too.

And suddenly there is so much more to do. Two boys playing ice hockey. It’s amazing and I love how helpful and kind everyone is. It really is like one big family. But it is so time-consuming. Some days we joke with other families about bringing a tent and camping out at the rink.

Seeing connections made and kids having fun is a wonderful thing. It challenges me though as a highly sensitive and introverted mom…the constant running. The people. So many people. I don’t know about you but being in social gatherings really wears me out.

And then there are times that I wonder where the Lord is in all of this? I remind my children and I remind myself that we need to keep our focus on the Lord. Certainly there are many who need to hear and who want to hear that there is something more. But we have to be able to slow down so we can hear. If we get too busy or if we become too tired we may lose focus.

Am I expecting too much? Is it really too much to ask but my children keep Jesus at the center of it all?

Lately I cannot stop thinking about the internal focus we need to have. So many things that we enjoy but they do not truly matter. Not when we look with eyes that are focused on eternity.

One child’s rebellion. A husband who seems to be spiritually falling asleep. And my own struggles… Capturing and fighting to hold on to that Joy and peace. Striving to be patient and gentle in those times have a waiting.

It is time to be content. It is time to give What I need. And it is time to teach my children to give more.

I’ve always believed that we stop growing when people stop expecting of us. We need to be challenged. We need to be encouraged to do those things that seem impossible. And we need to be reminded that if we can simply do all that we do for the Lord it shall be well with our soul.

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