Forgiveness- its been clanging and ringing in my ears for some time now. I admit – it’s something I am not very good at. I can hold a grudge longer than most people I know. And if you have wronged me? I can tell you how and why, it’s all catalogued in here *tapping my head* I lived or years by the saying “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” Unfortunately, or I should say fortunately for those in need of forgiveness (and we ALL are right?) this is something that He has been working on within me. Within my heart, rooting it all out. Turning it over; letting it go.
John 20:23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them;and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.
I have to admit it – I would do well on a secluded island, in the middle of nowhere – I am odd yes, I have been told this more than once. A dear friend once told me (In a consoling way) that I was unlike anyone she had ever met before; that no matter where I go she can never see me “fitting in” and that I should Praise God for that uniqueness and always stand tall as His creation. Not sure how I felt about that but it really hits home. There are very few folks I feel are true friends; even harder is making new ones. And I don’t try very hard to be honest. I am a private person, trusting others does not come easy to me. I see the flesh more than I should to be honest, and I get that He allows me to see it. and as He allows me to see it, I need to hear Him as He tells me how to minister to them, how to see and love them, as He does. Yet the more flesh I see, the less spirit I feel. And I want to be with those who have a wonderful amazing spirit; one you can feel ministering to those around you. It can happen. I pray one day I can have that kind of spirit.
Anyway somehow in the midst of my online social networking “friends” I was brought into a group that was developed for some ladies who were being (and were themselves) gossiping and slandering another lady I know online. The first thing I realized was that none of them realized what they were really doing. I avoid people with drama like the plague – I admit to a fault even – my need for peace and quiet and organized sensible interaction can be wrong at times. And in this case – as I read everyone’s comments – trying to discern truth from fiction in all of this – it brought tears to my eyes. As I watched and read the interaction between all of these women, I felt such sorrow. So much anger, hatred, such expectations they had and demands they were making of the “one who wronged them”. It reminded me of me. Not very long ago either. I can hold a grudge with the bet of them; I can tell you every little thing that “they” have done to wrong me, ever. I saw through His eyes, how wrong it.. and I spoke as He put the words into my mouth. I heard Him whispering (usually He clubs me with a 4×4 to get my attention lol) “Why will you not just let this go, turn it over to Me? I can handle this – Only I can bring about you peace in this battle.” I heard this and I knew: it wasn’t just for the women in this group who could not let go of some bad things that had been said of them, it was meant for me too. Ouch!
Matthew 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
I am a Christian – I take that back, I am a follower of Jesus. My only goal in life is for others to see Him and get to know Him. I am just clay in His hands. And I pray that He will mold me. We cannot be His disciples, He cannot use us as His light, as the salt we are supposed to be, when we are so busy bickering over these things. When we hold the hate in our heart, when we become bitter and demanding. Who are we to think that we have the power to make someone change? To make them stop sinning? We are sinners when we think that…We confuse ourselves with Him when we believe that we can be a change agent. Only He has that power. Where are the fruits? Who are we called to be, what are we called to harvest? Do we remember any of this as we come into these types of situations? Fight or flight? There another way…Let us pray!
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…
Was I ever like that? Sure – and I know someone prayed for me then as I pray for those ladies now. That He may release them from their bondage, root out that bittrness from within them and bring them comfort and healing. We cannot allow ourselves to be a victim of anyone’s games. We cannot allow anything no matter how wrong it may be, to shake us to the core where we take our eyes off of Him, and focus on our need to be right. It’s pride, its our self, our flesh rising up that needs to be consoled and comforted. Allowing yourself to be the victim is just what the devil wants – as a victim we cannot grow in Christ – as a victim we are not working in the spirit, but in flesh. We need to stop being so concerned with what others think, with what they say – We need to root ourselves in truth – Focus on Him and be strong in the faith. We need to show those fruits to others, especially to those who do evil against us. How else can others see the light of Him within us, if we are acting just as those of the world do? He has so much to say about this – about how we use our words (I always tell my two year old, to uses his words – God says “Use MY Words…”)
How hard it is to hear others slander you, say hateful; things and call you names. But what an advocate we have in Him. And He alone can heal their hearts, bring change and love into their lives. A tough lesson – to know that others are wronging you and to still, get on your knees and pray for them and know that He has your back. How hard – impossible it seems – yet we can do ALL things through Him.
As I sat there reading, and chatting a bit with the ladies so in need of healing and peace, as I sat letting the tears pour down my face, praying in the Spirit while ministering as I could to their pain, I prayed for Him to bring me home. I prayed that as these days go by, faster and faster, as things get harder and more comes against us all, may He stay His hand upon us – Keep me close Jesus now is the time for your return – so soon you are coming – I cannot miss you. Help me to keep my eyes on you alone – Help others to see- the good that comes from you alone. Make us Holy, Make us Worthy – Let us continue to praise your name.
Forgiveness – it is the hardest gift to give – it is the only gift that cannot be returned, it can be refused by another, but we can still, ourselves, know that it was given.
A "Peace" of Mind 